Inside
by magicallittleme
Summary: Draco has two selves, an inside self, and an outside self......


When people look at me they don't see me. They see a rather small boy with silvery blonde hair, icy grey eyes, and sharp facial features. But that's not who I really am. Not at all.  
  
I have two selves, an inside me, and an outside me. My outer self is a shell, trained by my father, the Dark Lord, and others on exactly what to say and do. Never showing a shred of emotion or pity, always cold and hard. While on the inside, I'm crying for help, forever trying to break out of the shell, to show people who I really am.   
  
I've never been the way people have expected me to be. A Malfoy should be unemotional, my ancestors tell me from their places on the walls at home. Don't ever show anyone what you're feeling, they say. But I want to, I always have. I've always been a bit more sentimental than anyone else, always more understanding and deep.   
  
They didn't want anyone to see me that way. I might release too many secrets. So starting from the day I turned ten, a curse was put on me. A lot like the Imperious Curse, only a hundred times worse. For you see, none of them control me. Not my father, not the Dark Lord, none of them. I do. The curse only lets the most evil part of me show, pushes all the good into the back where no one can see. I'm trapped, within myself, and theres's no way to get out. The curse keeps me within tight boundaries during school. I have much more freedom in the summer. My family always vacations out of England, and the other countries wouldn't care what I would have to say. But they still keep it on me, just in case.   
  
My family has always been associated with the Dark Arts. My father, and my grandfather all served under Voldemort. I love my father as any son would, even admire him, and I share many of his beliefs. But not all of them. I don't follow the Dark Lord, though someday they're probably going to make me do that too. I hate Voldemort, unlike the rest of them. He's done too much to hurt me.  
  
It started the summer before last. Voldemort had just been reborn and my family had gone to France, though it wasn't a total vacation. Voldemort came with us, to see what we could do. They had taken most of the curse off, so I was free to do mostly what I liked. I had met a young witch there and liked her instantly. She had raven coloured hair, and grey blue eyes, almost the same colour as mine. I suppose you could say that she was my first crush. I brought her to our house there, a week after we met, and my parents approved of her at first. They asked her question after question, about her family, her studies and other things. She answered them with percision and ease, never hesitating. Then Voldemort entered the room, disguised as my uncle. She didn't recongnize him.   
  
"What's your lineage?" he asked her.   
  
"Half" she answered. "My mom's witch, my dad a muggle"  
  
He killed her on the spot. I was torn, I wanted to scream and cry but the dratted shell wouldn't let me. Voldemort turned to me, his evil red eyes burning into mine.   
  
"Half blood are as bad as Mudbloods" he said, blowing smoke from his wand.  
  
It all went downhill from there. Everyone I loved, even slightly cared about, got tortured, even his followers. He just wanted to see me squirm, see me try to scream, but with no sound coming from my mouth.  
  
Now I'm sixteen and just as helpless as before. Only this time I have a secret I never want Voldemort to find out. I'm in love with Hermione Granger.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Goyle tapped me on the shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Duh, look there's Potter" he grunts at me.   
  
Crabbe gives an evil cackle. "Let's go, uh, hurt them" he says.  
  
I want to groan and scream at them. But I can't. "Great" I say, rubbing my hands together maliciously.  
  
We walk over to them. "What do you want?" asks Potter, his eyes narrowing with suspicion.   
  
I can't control my movements. I try, but my mouth moves against my will. "Oh, nothing Potter" I drawl, leaning on the table. My shell looks at Ron. "If you keep on eating Weasel, you'll make your family broke."   
  
Weasley jumps up and raises him fists. "What did you say?" he growls.  
  
My shell speaks again. "Nothing" it drawls. I will my mouth to stop moving, to stop talking, but I have no control.  
  
"Go away Draco" says Hermione, standing up.   
  
Potter and Weasley gape at her like the idiots they are. "Did you just call Malfoy, Draco?" Ron asks.   
  
Hermione nodds. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" she asks me.   
  
Both selves are speechless. "Sure" I manage to say before my shell takes over.   
  
Potter and Weasley stare at her like she's crazy. "Are you sure about that?" Potter asks her.  
  
She smiles at them. "I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself"  
  
Weasley still looks uncertain. "Well, if you're sure" he says.   
  
I wave off Crabbe and Goyle. "Go away" my shell tells them. They obey grunting and cackling.   
  
We walk down a deserted corridor. I want to jump for joy. But luckily, in this case, my shell doesn't let me.   
  
We stop at the end of the corridor. Hermione turns on me. "Why are you so mean all the time?" she asks.   
  
I don't answer her. I'm fighting a battle within myself, my inside self trying to take control of my body again. My grey eyes go stormy and I start muttering. Hermione watches me, unblinking.  
  
"Are you okay, Draco?" she asks.   
  
Again I don't answer. Taking strength from her words, my inside self manages to win. My eyes clear up again, only this time, they're not as icy.   
  
I know I don't have much time. I need to tell her what's happening to me. But I don't. I can't.   
"I love you Hermione" I tell her instead, and give her a quick kiss.   
  
Then my shell takes over again and my eyes freeze over. I walk back down the hall. She stares after me, unblinking. When I look back, I can see understanding dawn in her eyes. For I believe that now, she knows. She knows all I went through just to tell her those three tiny words. And I'm happy for now. Finally someone knows a bit about who I really am.   
  
*~*~*  
  
  
Disclaimer: Everyone and everything belongs to J.K. Rowling.  
  
  
A/N: So, didya like it? It's kinda different for me I guess. Review and tell me what you thought. I'll be very happy if you do. =)  
  
  



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